Mishima Court
by Chlover
Summary: Kazuya has his own court show...
1. An Irish Drinking Song

A/N: Ok I was half asleep when I wrote this so it may get a little… pointless… and… weird… 

**Disclaimer*** Tekken is not mine.

Mishima Court.

typical court show music plays as Mr. voice man speaks, "You are now watching the Mishima Court! In this episode, we have Plaintiff Anna Williams who is sueing defendant Nina Williams for burning her favorite dress," Pauses while Anna and Nina walks in, "Defendant Nina Williams has launched a countersuit against her sister, sueing her for $300 for implaniting false memories into her head."

Lei Wulong steps in front of the people as Nina and Anna take their spots. He folds his hands before his chest and speaks, "Case 38. Judge Kazuya Mishima." He takes his place standing beside the Judge's desk as Kazuya walks in and sits down. 

Kazuya looks over the folder in his hands then looks at Anna, "So, Miss Williams, Your sister burnt your favorite dress. It doesn't say how much you're sueing for. Explain your case."

Anna glances at Nina, "Yes, well I'm not sueing for money. I'm sueing for a new wardrobe!"

"So what happened?"

"I was going out to see Lee. I got in the shower and when I got out, my closet was open and my dress was missing. Now Nina's always doing this kind of thing, stealing my stuff while I'm getting ready to go out. She's very petty in that way. I naturally went to look for her to get my dress back but when I finally found her she was standing outside with a pile of ashes at her feet."

"I see," Says Kazuya, "Does she deny this?"

"No."

Kazuya raised an eyebrow, "Nina. What's your story?"

Nina frowned, "You call her Miss Williams but you call me Nina? What's with that."

"You tried to kill me."

"That's no excuse," Nina shrugged, "I try to kill everyone. I even almost tried to kill my own son."

"That's because you're a bad mother." Kazuya told her.

Nina frowned, "I am not!"

"Were you there to talk to when he got his first girlfriend?"

Nina hissed, "I didn't even know I had a son until the forth tournament! You idiot. That doesn't count! What kind of judge are you?"

Kazuya Grinned, "I'm a horrible judge but nonetheless, What I say goes. I could have you hung if I wanted to."

Nina raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, "They don't hang people anymore."

"Anything could happen in the Mishima Courtroom!" The lights dimmed around Kazuya as he glared into the camera.

Anna waved a paper, "Look! I have the receipt for the dress and photos of the ashes!"

Kazuya smiled, "Those won't be necessary, Miss Williams. I have come to my decision. Drum roll please." He giggled as Eddy Gordo comes in with drums. "Court in favor of the plaintiff. Nina, you will buy your sister a new wardrobe and then you will become a guinea pig for My new pet scientist."

Nina Growled and lunged at Kazuya, "Not again! Jerk!"

"SECURITY!"

Lei Wulong shot Nina in the leg with a tranquilizer and allowed her to continue freaking at Kazuya while she grew tired and eventually passed out. Kazuya stood up, dusting himself off with bruises all over his arms. "Damn women. Who needs em. Get the hell out of my courtroom, Anna!"

Anna runs away.

"Next!"

Lei stood in the centre of the floor while Michelle and Ganryu walked in. "Plaintiff Michelle Chang is suing Ganryu for breaking her skylight in an attempt to stalk her. She's suing for $120. The price of the glass. Ganryu claims he had fell out of a plane and it should be the pilot that she sues instead of him. He's accused of being a bad stalker. Case 39 is now in session."

Kazuya didn't even glance at the folder handed to him. "Ganryu you idiot! Never a skylight! Never! I told you last month that you should always go to the closest tree to a window! You fool!"

Ganryu lowered his head in shame. "I'm sorry your honor, but all the trees were close to rooms she wasn't in."

"Stalkers are supposed to have patience! She'd go in that room eventually!"

Michelle looked at Kazuya in shock. "The judge of my case is giving a stalker advice?! I'm telling JUN! _"

Kazuya gasped, "HANG HER!"

Lei looked at Kazuya, "Hang who? Jun?"

Kazuya turned purple, "No! Chang!"

"Julia?"

"And Michelle," Kazuya replied.

Michelle frowned, "You're not going to hang Julia too… She's not even a part if this."

"Like hell she isn't!"

"… But she isn't."

"Like hell!"

Michelle looked at Lei

Lei shrugged.

Eddy pulled out a noose and everyone stared at him.

Kazuya raised an eyebrow, "I wasn't being serious. Why do you keep a noose in your pocket."

"One day…" Eddy's eyes grew dark, "One day Tiger will drop his guard."

Everyone continued staring at him.

Kazuya smashed the gravel on the wood thing, "Order in the court!"

Everyone blinked at him.

"Order I say!"

Lei shrugged.

"Hang …. That woman!"

Eddy shrugged and hung some random old woman in the audience.

"Lei, you know what to do."

Lei shot Eddy with the Tranquilizer gun and brought the woman down.

Kazuya looked at Eddy. "When I say Hang, I don't mean it literally! Dumbass!"

Michelle sat down.

"RISE! I did not say you could be seated! Just for that! You loose the case! Go stand in the corner and think about what you've done! YOU LOOSE!"

"Lose, sir." Lei corrected.

"HANG HIM!"

Eddy walked over drowsily and punched Lei.

"Very good." Kazuya smirked.

Lei pulled out his real gun and shot Kazuya in the head.

The hole in Kazuya's head started healing, terminator style. (It's my fic, I'll do what I want) And he suddenly acquired a strange Austrian accent, "That was uncalled for… baby."

Lei blinks, "Did you just call me baby?"

"Erm… no… I was talking to… Michelle."

50 axes fly at Kazuya and stop in mid air, 2 inches from his face. (Mwahahaha!)

Some man with a wicked black coat walks in, "Kazuya, are you ready?"

Kazuya shrieked, getting all giddy, and said, still with his Austrian accent, "Morpheous! I'm ready to enter the matrix!"

"You're in the matrix you idiot. We're going to the real people city! To battle… Robots and such."

Lei shot Morpheous. Neo ran in hysterically sobbing like a lil girl, "WAHH! Not Morpheous! Nooo! I'll kill you Wulong! KILL YOU!… Um… Michelle! Kill him!"

Everyone stared at Neo.

Kazuya, still with his Austrian accent, said, "Get down!"

Everyone stared at Kazuya as he ducked under the desk. A bunch of cyborgs ran into the courtroom and Hwoarang ran in after them.

Hwoarang whistled to the doors and Armor King came, rolling a keg of beer. 

"Drink up Boys, Ladies, and… Robots!" Hwoarang shouted, holding a mug into the air. Everyone except Michelle, Ganryu, and Kazuya grabbed a mug (even Morpheous, only he's kinda limping.)

Everyone started drinking and all of a sudden Armor King jumped on a table and started doing an irish jig, "Hwoarang! Hit it!"

(singing) "OOOOOHHHHH Whiskey you're the devil… (mumbles some other words to the irish drinking song that he never really understood.)

Everyone who was drinking joined in on the singing mumbles. The cyborgs joined in the jig.

Michelle glanced at the people partying, "They're not even drinking whiskey…"

Kazuya, still under his desk started shooting himself just to see the kool CG effects.

Then suddenly… the strippers arrived…

(I will end the fic here because the rest of the party is not suitable for any audiences…)

Next episode will include someone dieing and a special guest appearance made by… someone… maybe.

Assuming I will write a next episode… R&R and maybe I will!


	2. Who won Tiger's case?

**Disclaimer** I do not own Tekken Or DOA. If I owned DOA I would gauge out my eyes and eat them for brunch in a mess of scrambled eggs and ketchup… If I owned Tekken… Julia would have never come into existence. 

Mishima Court

Mr. Voice man started talking during the theme music, "Welcome back to the Mishima court… and if this is your first time witnessing this horrid idea, then hurry and get out while you still can! … Oh! Uh… Yeah…" King and Craig Marduk walked in and to their tables, "Plaintiff King is suing Defendant, Craig Marduk for Killing his trainer and causing him to have to pay for a new one. He's suing for $3000 in personal trainer bills."

Lei Wulong walked out to the centre of the… clear spot in front of the judge's bench… You know what I mean. "Judge Kazuya Mishima Resides… All Rise."

Everyone was already standing because they all just came in so they just stared at Lei Wulong oddly. Kazuya Mishima strutted in and took his seat. "Be seated."

"That's my line!" Lei yelled at Kazuya.

"HANG HIM!"

Everyone looked at Kazuya like he was insane. (The audience wasn't present during the last episode; it's a diff audience now.)

"Where's my drummer boy with the noose?"

"Can we get to the case, already?!?!… Your honour…" Craig whined.

"Sure," Kazuya grinned, "Sure thing… OK!" Everyone jumped. "So you're the one who killed that drunken bastard James King?"

"No. I killed Armor King…" Craig's lip curled in a grimace, "Look at the damn folder in your hands, dumbass."

Kazuya looked down at the folder, "How'd this get here? Oh well. What's your story King?"

King started freaking out explaining the whole story like a hysterical child, only he did so in a series of ROARS and grunts. Nobody understood except Kazuya, who nodded solemnly.

"You poor Jaguar wannabe," Kazuya said, frowning, "I have come to my conclusion!"

Craig banged his fist on the table, "You haven't even heard my story yet!"

"Yet? HAHA! That's not going to happen. I don't like your hair."

"You're really the one to talk!"

"GET OUT OF MY COURTROOM! Court in favour of the plaintiff. Marduk will pay $2 950. Use the $50 your saving on a new haircut, damn hippie. NEXT!"

Lei stepped back into the centre of the… place, "Plaintiff –"

Mr. Voice man throws a fake bolt of lightning at Lei, "I'm the announcer you fiend! PLAINTIFF Heihachi Mishima is suing Defendant Jin Kazama for $7 000 003 for being a half evil grandson… The defendant has launched a counter suit against Heihachi Mishima for $900 in hospital bills after he was thrown out of a plane… What the… Isn't this your family, Kazuya? Can you say DYSFUNCTIONAL?!"

"Don't make me lazer whip your ass with my killer eyes Voice man!" Kazuya threatened, "I need my drummer boy!"

Lei, rubbing his head where the lightning hit him, said, "Eddy can't come because he's the defendant in the next case."

"SHUT UP! Don't give away the ending!" Kazuya shrieked.

"Uh… Sir… That's not the ending… That's just the next case…"

Kazuya frowned, "Since when do we have 3 cases in one episode?"

"Since some extraordinary higher power says so…"

"Who?"

"The producers of our show you nitwit."

"Oh…" Kazuya shrugged, "Anyway… $7 000 003? For being a half evil Grandson? You can't honestly believe you'll win this case, old man!"

Heihachi smiled, "I will win. You deluded fool!"

"What the hell did you just call me? Lei! Shoot him! With your REAL gun!"

"Your honour…" Lei raised an eyebrow, "Not everyone can do those CG effects."

"Don't get smart with me Bailiff."

Jin pouted, "Nobody told me my father was the judge."

Everyone stared at Jin. Kazuya looked at him in concern, "Uh… Son… It's called MISHIMA court… Are you brain-dead or just slow?"

"BRAINDEAD!" Someone shrieked.

Jin rolled his eyes, "Dad! Xiaoyu's following me again! Can I put a restraining order on her while I'm here?"

"Where is she?" Kazuya said, a little freaked out.

"I'm, like, with Mr. Voice MAN! At least he won't put me in a box and mail me to Korea just because he found me hiding in his underwear drawer!"

"Hiding where?"

Jin glared at nothing in particular, "Don't ask."

"You mailed her to Korea?"

"A gag gift for Hwoarang."

"GAG GIFT?" Xiaoyu screeched, "MEAN! I ought to sue you for that! Mr. Voice man! Register me for the next show!!"

Kazuya sighed, "You mean I'll have to put up with my bratty son again?"

"Twice more… I think Hwoarang's gonna sue me for mailing him a Chinese girl… Can you even sue for that?"

"Like I'd know," Kazuya laughed.

Everyone stared at him.

"Oh come on! You people didn't really think I had gone to law school to get this job, did you? All I had to do was get my brother to sleep with the producers."

Lee peaks in through the window and shakes his fist.

"Anyway… I don't even have to give this case much thought… Court in favour of the defendant. Heihachi Mishima will pay the sum of $90 000."

"Hey…" Heihachi pouted, "The counter suit was for way less then that! You can't do that!"

Kazuya grinned, "Calm down sir or we'll have to hold you in contempt."

"You little…"

"SECURITY!"

A man in a orange jump suit ran in, picked Heihachi up over his shoulder and ran out, giggling.

Jin looked back toward the door, "That's your security?"

"… No."

"… Oh…"

"…"

Xiaoyu stepped out of nowhere and sat down next to Kazuya, "Hi."

"Uh… Hi."

"Julia came in and Stole Mr. Hot Voice man from me."

"Why were you in my son's underwear drawer?"

"…" Xiaoyu frowned, "I'm not a stalker like in some fan fictions! I was playing hide and go seek with Julia in the Mishima Estate. Jun let us in. I hid in the drawer and I got locked in and couldn't get out! I swear Julia has it in for me. I think she's psychotic."

Kazuya considered that, "So why did Jin ship you to Korea?"

"Because he's read too many fan fictions."

"Fan fictions? What kind of fan fictions?"

"Tekken."

Everyone blinked at her.

Jin raised an eyebrow, "Tekken? As in Tekkenshu?"

"NO! TEKKEN as in US!"

Blinked.

"Anyway. He thinks I'm a stalker."

"Yes I do." Jin crossed his arms.

Kazuya laughed, "He's just so desperate he imagines things."

"He's got a stalker! He's got Hwoarang!"

"Ow… Crazy biatch," Mr. Voice man mumbled, "Ow! … Hey… Put that away now! Ahhhh… AHHHH! AHHHHHHH Dear GOD! AHHHHH," The screaming stopped and everyone heard a thump. Silence…

Kazuya waited a couple moments before shrugging and saying, "Next case?"

"SHE KILLED MR. VOICE MAN!" Xiaoyu sobbed.

"…" Kazuya tried to hold in his urge to celebrate, "Next…" Eye twitch, "Case…"

Lei shrugged, assuming since Mr. Voice man was dead, He would be allowed to make the introduction, "Plaintiff Tiger is suing Defendant Eddy Gordo for ruining his disco groove. He's suing for… $12"

Eddy and Tiger walk in and take their places.

Kazuya looks at Eddy, "Why go through all this? It's just 12 bucks!"

"It's not about the money!"

"Whatever," Kazuya shook his head, "So what is it about? Tiger?"

Tiger started curling his fingers in his Afro, "It's all about the love. And STAYING ALIVE!" Dance break.

"…" Kazuya looked at the clock, "Uh… Yeah… Well… How did the defendant ruin your Disco groove?"

"He stole my woman!"

"Eddy. Did you steal his woman?"

Eddy laughed, "His woman? He was trying to pull a fast one on Christie Monteiro! She was scared out of her mind! I mean… Look at him! And he's like a decade older then her! All I did was save the girl!"

The door bust open and to everyone's surprise, in walked Ryu… (No not that Ryu. DOA Ryu…) The Ninja dude…. (A/N: I know he's a Ninja dude because I heard about him on the net… NO! I haven't played DOA and I never will _)

All the Tekken people jumped into their fighting stance. Kazuya glared at Ryu, "What do you want?"

Ninja boy grinned, "Your Women."

"THERE is NO WAY!"

Xiaoyu turned pale and cowered behind Jin.

Everyone in Tekken came through the open doors and leaped on Ryu and started beating him up. Especially the girls who were insulted that he even mentioned them.

All of a sudden the cyborgs came crashing in, all carrying mugs of beer and accompanied by Hwoarang. They immediately spotted Ryu and since they hate that game to because it's evil, they started pounding on the Ninja too! Then, they started beating on Jin for no apparent reason. And Ryu died, and went to hell. Mr. Voice man was a ghost.  And Jin was carried away on a stretcher. The cops couldn't find Julia so she wasn't arrested, and… and… The cyborgs were sent back to the future. AND NO! Kazuya did not get his Austrian accent back….

A/N: OK! Now the fic's over… ***Takes the Klondike bar and walks off into the sunset.** *

If it seemed like I was defending Xiaoyu in anyway, I wasn't intending on it on account of I don't like her…. Throw that at me and die….


	3. Valentines

A/N: I had to write some sort of Valentines thing, and it was either this or "Stuck In My ways" But that fic is already being written and I'd have to alter a bit of the story to fit the romantic celebrations in, and I'm too lazy to do that.

**disclaimer** I don't own a damn thing. I don't even own my self.

Theme music comes on and Lei Wulong makes the introduction as the people walk in, "plaintiff Ling Xiaoyu is suing Defendant Jin Kazama for $400 for calling her a gag gift. Mr. Kazama has countered, requesting a restraining order on the girl. He's accused of being a bad boyfriend."

Jin walked in and frowned, "A bad boyfriend? I'm not her boyfriend!"

Xiaoyu hopped on his table, "Oh Jinny, there's no need to be shy!" ^_^

"Judge Kazuya Mishima resides. All rise."

Everyone got to their feet and Kazuya walked in with Eddy on a leash, "NOBODY is taking my drummer boy again! UNDERSTOOD?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Ok," He smiled at Xiaoyu, "Now, little girl, what's this about?"

She hopped up to the judge's bench and screeched at him, "DON'T YOU REMEMBER YESTERDAY'S EPISODE? Your SON mailed me to Korea! Of course, I didn't mind because I got to visit Hwoarang, and he's hot, but then your SON had the nerve to say it was a gag gift! I think you should be a good father and spank him."

"Spank?" Jin gagged, "You're gross, Xiaoyu."

Kazuya looked at the file and nodded his head, "FIRST WITNESS!"

Lei looked at him, "Uh… sir… we don't do that witness thing on these kind of court shows."

"I don't give a damn. BRING IN HWOARANG!"

"What?" Jin's eyes widened, "But he wanted me dead long before I sent him the gag gift! Of course he's gonna do whatever it takes to bust me."

Hwoarang strutted in, smoking a joint. "Yes your honour, Jin did call Xiaoyu a gag gift. Now can I sue him too for the price it took to mail her back to him? 50 000 000 yen. 

"What the…" Jin looked at him, "You didn't mail her back, you snuck her on a cargo ship to Egypt."

"That was FUN!" She screeched, "I like Hwoarang. He's nicer to me. He put me in a bigger box."

Hwoarang grinned and winked at her.

"I have made my decision," Kazuya nodded, "Court in favour of the plaintiff and the witness. Give the money your grandfather gave you to Xiaoyu, and pay Hwoarang the 50 000 000 yen. I hope you have learned a lesson, son. Don't go mailing school girls to your more attractive rivals."

"More attractive? DAD!" Jin's eyes turned red, but before his wings could sprout the man in the orange jump suit grabbed him and ran away snickering. Everyone stared for a moment and shrugged. Hwoarang walked out with Xiaoyu following close behind.

Lei Wulong stepped back into the center of the room, "Plaintiff Lee Chaolan is Suing defendant… uh… Kazuya Mishima for making him sleep with the producers."

"What?" Kazuya blinked, "Well that's easy. I win."

Lei shook his head, "No. since both members of your family were stolen, Christie Monteiro will be the judge during this case."

"Huh?" Kazuya blinked again, "Ok…" He stepped down and took a place at one of the tables as Lee hopped in through the window.

"Judge Christie Monteiro resides. All rise."

Everyone stood. Christie walked in and sat at the judge's place, "Sit the hell down people."

They all obeyed. Kazuya still blinking in confusion.

"Ok so what's up? Plaintiff, we'll start with you." Christie leaned back and put her feet up on the desk, "Talk to me."

Lee suddenly seemed self-conscious, "Uh… well…"

"Hurry up Chaolan. While some of us are still young."

"My dear brother made me… sleep with the… producers so he could be a judge."

Christie grinned, trying not to laugh, "Men?"

"No." Lee started getting annoyed, "I slept only with the females. That was enough. Geez, what kind of judge are you? How'd you get this job?"

"DON'T question people above you, Chaolan. Now, what price are you asking from your brother?"

He glanced at Kazuya, "The show."

Kazuya raised a hand, "Your honour?"

"Yes, Mishima? What is it?"

"Can I launch a counter suit?"

"Sure." Christie smiled, "Name your price."

Kazuya smirked, "$3000"

Lee gasped, "What the hell? You have to have a reason to countersue me. You can't just ask for $3000 for nothing!"

"Yeah. $3000 for poisoning me with second hand smoke. Attempted murder."

"What? You can't do that!"

Christie rolled her eyes, "Court in favour of the defendant. But, Mishima, Let's be realistic now. You're far to popular to be asking $3000 for your life. I'm sure your fans will agree you're worth much more. Payment in the amount of $9000. Lee, you have 3 weeks to pay."

"WHAT?" Lee hyperventilated, "But… I'm… Popular… too…"

Christie shrugged and walked away, "Later."

Kazuya resumed his spot at the bench, grinning, "I like her. I wish people would sue me more often. Now, is this episode done, or is there three cases again?"

Some person handed Lei a note, and he read it silently, "Uh… Sir?" Suddenly the room turned into a romantic pink and red, candle lit room. Hearts covered the walls, and two people rolled in trays of heart cookies and such. Eddy produced a drumroll and Kazuya just stared.

"What's happening to my court room?" Kazuya whispered to Lei.

"Uh… I guess it's a valentines special… We're getting a special guest…"

"Who?"

In answer to the question, the door swung open and in walked the one and only, Chlover! Everyone gasped and Hwoarang, Xiaoyu, and Julia ran in after her. The whole room went silent as Chlover approached the bench. She looked around and smirked, "Of course, hearts aren't exactly my style, but I'll make an exception for Valentines day. What do you think, Kazuya?"

He turned red, "You evil wannabe goddess!"

"Why so sore, darling?"

"You ruined my courtroom! There's no romance in a courtroom, and I'd like to keep it that way! Why do you think I wanted this show! So you couldn't be mean enough to pair me up with someone! But you and your twisted mind came up with something much worse… Valentines day," Kazuya shuddered, "You're evil, and corrupt, and twisted, and… and…"

Chlover smiled and in walked the cyborgs, only this time they were accompanied by Bart and Elly (Xenogears) Chlover looked at Bart, gasped, and passed out. Everyone stared. Hwoarang exchanged High fives with the cyborgs, and they gave him a mug of beer. 

Kazuya grabbed Lei's gun and leaned over his desk and shot at chlover. Suddenly time froze. Everyone froze, even Kazuya. Chlover got up and out of the way of the bullet. She then snapped her finger and time started again. Kazuya looked at her and screamed like a girl. 

Xiaoyu hopped on Kazuya, "YOU SPOKE MY LANGUAGE!" She screeched, "I think I will stalk you now!"

Hwoarang passed out and the cyborgs snickered kuz they had drugged the beer, as a joke. Bryan walked in and waltz music started. Bryan and Bart tango danced, with a rose between Bryan's teeth. Elly started making out with Lee. Eddy continued to drum to the waltz. 

Chlover smiled, "Now this is a Valentines party."

Xiaoyu kissed Kazuya, he screamed, and she giggled and kissed him again. Kazuya screamed again and leaped out the window. Everyone started making out with someone. And then the pink champagne arrived.

TBC….

Next episode, Something will explode… And Heihachi will fall in love.


End file.
